Dear Student:
I did something awful last week that was hurtful to you. It was a complete accident, but nonetheless it should not have happened. It's probably the biggest mistake I have made as a teacher. It exposed you and there is nothing I can do to make up for this. You have probably lost any trust you may have had in me, and that breaks my heart.
You will never understand how much this has eaten me up inside. I have lost so much sleep over this and I will continue to do so. It will nag at me, probably for the rest of my life.
I hope you understand that I would never intentionally do something to hurt any of my students. Throughout this entire school year I have given you more emotional and mental time and energy than to any of my other students. Your parents are in regular contact with me about your work and work habits. It has gotten to the point where I dread seeing an email from your mom. I know that when she emails, she is going to ask me if all of the 0 grades on your progress report are accurate. She is going to tell me that you've told her everything is caught up, but I am going to have to share with her that you have not, in fact, turned in that work.
For some reason you seem to believe that no one is on your side. For some reason you seem to believe that the habits you develop as a young person will not translate into the habits you keep as an adult. Somehow you have decided that failing a class is not going to have any consequences later in life.
I know that you won't believe this, but everything I have done with respect to your work habits in class is because I care for you. I probably care too much. I think I care more about your grades than you do. I have given you too much emotional space inside my heart. And after this, the space you occupy is even bigger, because I can't stop thinking about it.
I also confess that I am angry with you too. Your response to my apology was nasty and hurtful. If you really understood how awful I feel about this, maybe you'd be more understanding. If you understood how much I worry about you, maybe you wouldn't have been so nasty. Perhaps not. You have a chip on your shoulder, and my actions have understandably made it larger.
What I really need to do now is to move on. There's nothing I can do but pray that you, God and I will forgive me. I know that I have God's forgiveness, but I probably won't ever have yours or mine.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
Dealing with Diabetes
In January of 2013, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. My blood work came back and my sugars were high enough for me to be called diabetic, but in the low range. My doctor was confident that if I made the commitment to diet and exercise, I would be able to lower my blood sugar numbers and put my diabetes into what she called "remission."
I think that most people, when finding out about such a diagnosis, first feel confused and angry. I was confused, it's true, but my doctor provided me with some good information about diet and exercise and I decided to do some research on my own to start a plan to change my eating habits. She also recommended that I try a diabetes education program and so I decided to find one that worked. Fortunately a local hospital provides one-on-one diabetes education with a licensed diabetes educator for free! As soon as I found this out, I asked my doctor to refer me to the program and made my first appointment.
My diabetes counselor has provided me with a wealth of materials, including developing a meal plan for me. I meet with her once every few weeks, and she monitors my progress and helps me to set goals. She also teaches me about the kinds of lifestyle changes I need to make in order to cope with diabetes.
I have learned a lot through this diagnosis. I am determined to live well with this condition. I do not see diabetes as a handicap or something to hold me back. I do not need to feel like I am depriving myself through following my meal plan. In fact, I view this as a challenge. I like figuring out how I can fit the foods I like into my plan. I enjoy trying new recipes that fit into the plan. I have been able to use the Internet, especially Pinterest, to explore new recipes and ideas for dealing with this diagnosis. I have learned that being intentional about what I eat and do has benefits beyond just my diabetes.
In fact, I’d like to say that right now I am in the best health for a really long time. I am eating better, exercising more, and feeling extremely optimistic about life. Since January I have already lost 34 pounds and at my most recent doctor’s appointment, my doctor was very encouraged. She even suggested that in a few months I may be able to reduce the medication she has prescribed for me if my progress continues. I have also been diagnosed with high blood pressure, and since my diabetes diagnosis and weight loss, my blood pressure has been at its lowest in years.
I am determined to continue my progress with my disease management. I know I will always be diabetic, but I am resolved to stem the advancement of the disease in my body. I know I can use diet and exercise to my advantage in this regard. I do not want to be dependent on insulin or other medication to control my disease. I want to live a full and healthy life in spite of diabetes.
I think that most people, when finding out about such a diagnosis, first feel confused and angry. I was confused, it's true, but my doctor provided me with some good information about diet and exercise and I decided to do some research on my own to start a plan to change my eating habits. She also recommended that I try a diabetes education program and so I decided to find one that worked. Fortunately a local hospital provides one-on-one diabetes education with a licensed diabetes educator for free! As soon as I found this out, I asked my doctor to refer me to the program and made my first appointment.
My diabetes counselor has provided me with a wealth of materials, including developing a meal plan for me. I meet with her once every few weeks, and she monitors my progress and helps me to set goals. She also teaches me about the kinds of lifestyle changes I need to make in order to cope with diabetes.
I have learned a lot through this diagnosis. I am determined to live well with this condition. I do not see diabetes as a handicap or something to hold me back. I do not need to feel like I am depriving myself through following my meal plan. In fact, I view this as a challenge. I like figuring out how I can fit the foods I like into my plan. I enjoy trying new recipes that fit into the plan. I have been able to use the Internet, especially Pinterest, to explore new recipes and ideas for dealing with this diagnosis. I have learned that being intentional about what I eat and do has benefits beyond just my diabetes.
In fact, I’d like to say that right now I am in the best health for a really long time. I am eating better, exercising more, and feeling extremely optimistic about life. Since January I have already lost 34 pounds and at my most recent doctor’s appointment, my doctor was very encouraged. She even suggested that in a few months I may be able to reduce the medication she has prescribed for me if my progress continues. I have also been diagnosed with high blood pressure, and since my diabetes diagnosis and weight loss, my blood pressure has been at its lowest in years.
I am determined to continue my progress with my disease management. I know I will always be diabetic, but I am resolved to stem the advancement of the disease in my body. I know I can use diet and exercise to my advantage in this regard. I do not want to be dependent on insulin or other medication to control my disease. I want to live a full and healthy life in spite of diabetes.
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